you are my star

(this is a repost of my reply to goldengutgirl 's insightful and heartfelt post about kibum over here. i've had a couple beers so forgive the rambling this is incoherent because i was replying to important points ayisse has made in her post and would you look at that i just linked her post twice what the fuck)

long reply is long
first off, *huuuuuuuugs you* because we are exactly the same in how we love and because that's exactly what i would do if i were in the philippines. not just to comfort you but to comfort myself as well. i totally understand what you said about wanting to reach out to them but not being able to and about being basically alone, despite there being other fans to talk to about this. so imagine what it feels like NOT to have other people to talk to. it sucks being so far away from friends, especially friends who know and understand what the fuck i'm being all mopey about. you're all i've got ayisse. and i miss you. :(

so i've been having drunken philosophical discussions with myself (because i'm pathetic like that and we have beer at home) and it hurts my brain to think about this issue and all its implications. and i'm just a fan. i can't imagine how this issue is affecting everyone in suju. OMG EXPECIALLY EETEUK. my heart breaks for that boy. i wouldn't be surprised if the next super junior issue would be about him being addicted to antidepressants or something.

if kibum HAS decided that he wants out and they're only waiting for the right time to reveal it (to the rest of the group?) to the public, it must be difficult for the people who know about it (i.e. kibum and probably eeteuk) because they're keeping things from everyone. they have to live with themselves knowing that they're not being completely honest with everyone. the truth fucking hurts and the fact that they have to keep that truth to themselves must hurt even harder.

i think that whatever happens to kibum, even if he decides (or if SM decides for him) to leave the group, i don't think it would affect the friendships he's formed with super junior. sure they'd probably be angry or sad at first but at the end of the day, kibum is FAMILY and they love him and want for him to pursue his dreams, just as they are pursuing theirs, whether it's with super junior or not.

i don't understand why all these so-called fans have to bash kibum for this. i mean he's probably having a hard enough time without all the hate being thrown his way from millions of people he doesn't even know. it's like that whole "only 13" craziness, only this time instead of fans hating on SM for wanting to add members, they're hating on a member for not being around (or for wanting to be taken out?), forcing the group to NOT be exactly 13. it's insane. it's just a fucking number.

sure it would be sad if kibum leaves. i mean. it's kibum. leaving super junior. okay i don't know what i was supposed to say after this. omg it would be so fucking sad.

oh right. i'll support him no matter what. *cries*

*reposts this in my journal*

*cries some more* ayiiiiiiisse... :'(

omg did i tell you how i've been depressed about super junior even before this whole kibum not being in super show 2 issue came out because of eeteuk and how he's getting old and he'd have to go be in the army in two years, and how for 7 or 8 years after that super junior won't be complete because all the other members would have to serve their 2 years in the army too so there's a fucking monumental probability that suju would break up in the next couple years? it saddens the fuck out of me. :'(