you are my star

wow. a five-month hiatus. and i thought i was never gonna update this journal again.

the reason for my disappearance from the wonderful, wonderful world of fandom is the back-to-back bitch slaps that real life had dealt me a few months back.

bitch slap #1
boyfriend (well now, ex-boyfriend) decides to dump me for a model. and he says that's just because i already dumped him, in my mind (!!!!), for nino/arashi/anime/japan.

and bitch slap #2
attempted rape. us fangirls are surprisingly strong. and we have to be, just in case we have to battle other fangirls for a crushboy's attention. or you know, merchandise.

needless to say, RL really fucked me up. and yes, it got to a point where i simply couldn't flail over my beloved boys with as much gusto as i had before. hence the hiatus. so my mother shipped me back to the philippines to recover. there i stayed for a couple of months to get much needed emotional and psychological support from my friends, which they gave me in spades in the form of parties. got back to the states, immersed myself in the dramas i missed while i was away, and found myself a reason to update this journal, which is exactly the same reason i started this journal in the first place: a boy.

but a different boy this time. this one:

when i saw him in prince of tennis ages ago, i thought  "what a cute little baby." but when i saw him in NANA 2 a while later, where he played Shin (only my favorite character from the manga/anime because he was a hot, young, musician/prostitute) i knew i loved him. enough to add him to my interests on lj and watch all the other dramas he did. enough even to do a background check and youtube video search. but alas, arashi was having the best year of their careers, so kanata hongo was, i hate to admit it, forgotten.

fast forward to yesterday. i was 2 weeks into my MISSED DRAMAS OF 2008 IMMERSION EXTRAVAGANZA and seigi no mikata was up. and there he was. okamoto riku. high school dreamboat. smart boy/musician who is amused/fascinated by protagonist dork girl. only the most perfect character ever, played by kanata hongo AKA cute boy who used to be a baby but is now showing signs of manliness.

i'm still not sure about my feelings for this boy. i don't know if i love him like i love nino (which is, you know, an x-rated type of love) or if i love him in the way i will always love younger boys because i have unresolved high school young love issues and my subconscious will always project my present self into a high shool type of scenario where i'm the dorky girl whom the straight-A jock musician is amused/fascinated by (which is a purer, more innocent type of love where holding hands is the bee's knees).

all i know is i like looking at him. especially around the mouth area. look at those lips! and you can't see it but he has fangs! i was tempted to do a picspam but i was forbidden by my sister because she says that what i call love is, in other places, called pedophilia.

i know, i know. he looks really young. but he's already 18, and where i come from that's legal. hahaha.